Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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