Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
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He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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