Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
