just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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