We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
