I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
