The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
