I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Send help, water and tortillas.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
