Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
