look no pants
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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