His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
