Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
