My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
