All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
