Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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