I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
