i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
