so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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