I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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