I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
