You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
