haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
