I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Four minutes until I can fart!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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