Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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