I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
