i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
