Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
MIDGETS
????
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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