i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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