So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
