Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
