dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
