Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
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She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?