his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night