so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
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Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
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I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?