i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
