Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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