The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible