And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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