Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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