I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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