You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize