Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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