Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
