So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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