we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You were trust falling into bushes
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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