so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
