Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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