Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
