woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
