There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
