I think i peed on brittanys purse
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
