everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just high enough for therapy.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
