This girl is more easily done than said...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
