Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
