Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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