Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
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Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
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NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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