my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
