I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
