I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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