You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
