im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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