she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
