I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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