So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
