she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
