i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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