Duck Duck Cougar?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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