Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
