You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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