i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
