where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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