I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
