it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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