yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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