Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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