So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
