I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
