do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
