It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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