Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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