Swine flu. Run for my life!
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
