Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
