I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
