i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Text me some of your sweat
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