my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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