So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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