The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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