cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
