If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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